1000+ unique media and news posts every 24 hours…
Eventually you give up, exhausted and defeated. The lights go out, but you can’t relax because you know what awaits you in the darkness: the buzz, the bite, a useless slap.
To make matters worse, my wife claims she is one of those annoying people who “doesn’t get bitten by mosquitoes.” She says things like “I don’t think they really like me,” while my son and I scratch feverishly – the price you pay for great skin.
Speaking of paying, after several sleepless nights I was willing to buy any product that offered some relief. Fortunately, an entire mosquito repellent industry is ready to take your money.
Can I interest you in a portable device? Maybe a mosquito wristband that looks like a Fitbit? How about a special type of UV light with a specific wavelength that attracts and repels mosquitoes? According to the packaging, the portable design makes it perfect for camping, fishing, outdoor meals, BBQs and more!
Ultimately, I settled on two zappers (indoor and outdoor), a few citronella candles, and the humble mosquito coil, a staple of any suburban backyard despite being largely useless.
They are impossible to separate without breaking them in half and are said to “repel mosquitoes up to an area of 20 m², for a total of 240 hours”. Instead, they usually crumble upon opening, forcing you to bundle together a pile of leftover coils, which you forget about until it burns a huge hole in your table.
Loading
After arming myself for war, I was disappointed to learn that mosquitoes were smarter than I gave them credit for. They knew not to fly into the zapper or too close to the citronella candles, to skillfully navigate the traps without losing sight of their goal: to spread disease and drive me crazy.
Sitting in a house that smelled faintly of smoke and was bathed entirely in blue light, it was hard not to feel abandoned by science. If only we had spent less time building self-driving cars or teaching robots to perform heart surgeries, maybe we wouldn’t be defeated by the mosquitoes.
As with any long-term battle, knowing when to admit defeat is essential, and for now I have accepted the mosquitoes as my new overlords.
Lying in bed eaten alive, the only consolation comes from the most unlikely source: the high school girl with another well-timed Instagram post, this time a photo of a sunset. “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
Find more work by the author here. Email him at thomas.mitchell@smh.com.au or follow him Instagram on @thomasalexandermitchell and on Twitter @_thmitchell.
Receive a weekly overview of views that will challenge, defend and inform your own. Sign up for our opinion newsletter.
1000+ unique media and news posts every 24 hours…